A Letter to My Daughter
This is a letter that was written to my daughter when she was having some difficulty with relationships. It has been changed somewhat so that it could be addressed to many others with similar problems.
To my dearest daughter,
Please read this entire letter and take what I say as my love and concern for your happiness and well being. I hope what I say will give you some comfort and support in your times of loneliness and despair. It is not meant as any criticism of what you have said or done in the past.
I have prayed for you, your mother has prayed for you, and hopefully you have prayed for yourself. Does God answer all prayers? It may often seem to us that He does not answer our prayer requests, but just remember that He loves you and always knows what is best for you in the long run. That is why prayers often end with the words “but not my will but your will be done.” Prayers are in fact answered, but not always when or in the way we may want or expect. Just like a mother or father may answer a request from his or her son or daughter or a teacher from his or her student, so the answer from God may be in the form of a “yes,” a “no,” or simply a “not now” or “wait.” The time for His answer has not yet come.
So how does this all fit in with your own feelings of loneliness and heartache, brought on to a great extent by difficulties you have had with several of your guy friends? When you opened up your heart to us and confessed your loneliness and despair, I thought of some of my own past experiences to better understand and empathize with what you are going through right now. Unfortunately, we are separated by time and distance so little can be said over the phone or by short text messages. Accordingly, I am resorting to this old fashioned letter so I can carefully consider the best words and advice to give you.
Everyone of us has experienced periods of loneliness, depression, and despair. When I am troubled about hurtful things in my life, I have tried to steer away from thoughts about people or things that have caused the pain and move in a direction that is more positive, happy, and fulfilling. To do otherwise, to continue to pursue the old relationships and the old hurts of the past, can only bring greater pain and heartaches in the future. Of course, the times when you are most focused on these memories and most depressed about them is when you are in the house by yourself at night. This is when you are in most need of a friend, a companion, or change in your entire outlook or perspective on life. But, I ask you dear daughter, are you really alone? Even Jesus’ own disciples felt such loss and despair after seeing him die on the cross. They scattered in all directions, believing that all they had loved and hoped for was gone. Yet, three days later, they experienced a joy and celebration they had never experienced before. They saw Jesus in person, alive. He had risen from the dead. Weeks later, before the physical body of Jesus left this world and ascended into heaven, he told his followers to make disciples of all men by teaching people everywhere to love one another as he had loved us. But, they asked themselves, how could they do this without their leader by their side? Jesus assured them that he would not leave them as orphans. They would not be left alone in this world with no one to care for them. Rather, he would empower them with a great comforter, a companion, an advocate; one who would tell them what to say and what to do whenever they needed him. This comforter or companion is still with us today. He is with you my daughter. We call him the Holy Spirit. That spirit is what empowered a few frightened followers of Jesus in Jerusalem and thousands of Christian followers through the ages to spread the Christian gospel to persons throughout the world.
Whether you call this the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of God, or the Spirit of Jesus, he may not be one you can see with your eyes or hear with your ears, but when the Spirit comes upon you, you will know that you are not alone. Pray and follow that Spirit whenever you profess the need to do so. Listen with your heart. When you are depressed, pray for guidance on how you can conquer these negative feelings. That guidance may be as simple a thing as being told to pick up a “feel good” book and begin reading. Many of Mark Twain’s books are great for this, such as The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, or books written by those who have had similar relationship issues in their own lives and what they did to overcome these problems. The Spirit has told me in the past to stay away from books (or movies) that are tragic or otherwise depressing. You may be told by the Spirit to play peaceful, stimulating, or happy music that makes you want to dance or sing or simply sit there, to enjoy, and listen. If the mood strikes you, get out of your chair and sing and dance by yourself. By doing so, you can cast out some of those negative feelings in your life. During daylight hours, you may be told by the Spirit to take long walks or visit parks or places where there are beautiful views of mountains, rivers, flowers, and trees. Breathe in the fresh air and look around you. The message by the Spirit is clear: with such beauty and splendor, how could anyone not believe that there is a God who created all of this for us; a God who loves and accepts each of us despite the many times we have been weak or shown lack of faith. Look around you and be thankful for everything you have been given in life. Try going to different churches until you find one that makes you feel comfortable. The church is a place where you can learn about our God, thank him for all that he has done for you, ask him for love, guidance, and help in any area of concern in your life, and develop friendships with those in the church who can pray with you and for you. This is a love that will support and strengthen you and other persons in the church who are facing other difficulties in their lives. When you pray, the Spirit will tell you when to read, when to take walks, when to play music, and when and where to meet new friends. The Spirit of God will give you guidance on what to say or do in every situation you may face. The point I have learned from these experiences with the Spirit is to wait patiently for an answer to my prayers. Then, when the answer comes, take whatever action is appropriate. I find that I cannot isolate myself from all professional and social activities because of my own sadness and loneliness. To do so, only aggravates or increases those negative feelings. Instead, I have learned to become more active so as to shut out or block the darkness of such feelings so that more positive light may come through. When one door is closed another will be opened sooner or later. This has guided me through school, in my different relationships through the years, in my work history, in my marriage, in raising you and your brother, and in growing old.
With these thoughts in mind, know that we love you, we support you, and will never abandon you. Know also that Our Lord and Savior and His Holy Spirit will do likewise throughout your life.
Love,
Dad
Dan Kemper
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