Today as I was sitting out on our deck, I began to think about what all has happened in the last 8 months in our family. In January Fred and I had plans to go to South Africa to visit Melissa and Kevin, Aundrea and Cassie for 4 weeks, and we were looking forward to the trip to be with family and to see another country that God had made. What a great new experience for all of them to live there. We were excited to go.
I had been care giver for my Mother, Betty Lemley, for the past year. Mike, my brother, was coming to be with Mom while we were gone. Michelle, our daughter, would be there to help, too. Mom was continuing to hurt with pain and was admitted to the hospital to get help for the arthritis, or so we thought.
We left on Sunday........... Mom was in good hands.............Mike and Michelle were there ............. She would be given relief for her pain............and would be rehabbed and be home and recovering when we returned in a month. Well, God had other plans for all of us. In the week that followed, she was found to have bone cancer!!!!!! I was in denial. "There is no cancer in our family!" How could it be?" We were all praying for God to help her through the ordeal. Well, He did, but the answer was not what we all wanted. We returned home in the next week on Wednesday, and she died on Thursday, 24 hours after we all came home.
Since she died, I had just been going through the motion, doing what I had to do with her personal items and the estate. I was questioning, “Why?” What did we miss that could have done to help her? I was not mad at God; I was just putting my feelings and trust on hold for a while. Wondering what was to come, if I were doing what I should be doing, asking myself what could I have done if we would have stayed home and not gone on our trip. I had doubty and didn't do my devotions and bible reading as faithfully as I should, and not going to God for help, really praying to Him for comfort and guidance.
I miss her every day and find myself wanting to talk to her as we did every day. Now there is a void in my life.
I read Psalm 81:1 and 10-16.
In verse 11 &12: God will let us go on blindly, stubbornly, selfishly, when we should have been obeying and pursuing God’s desires. God sometimes lets us continue in our stubbornness to bring us to our senses. He does not keep us from rebelling, because he wants us to learn the consequences of sin. He uses the experiences to turn people away from greater sin to faith in Him.
God had provided in his covenant that he would restore his people if they would listen and return to him. I finally realized that I had to give it to Him and ask for his help for me to renew my faith and to go to him for guidance and remember Hebrews 13:5: Keep your lives free from the love of money or other things away from God and be content with what you have been given because God has said, "Never will I leave you: Never will I forsake you." And 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Hosea 14:2: Forgive all our sins and receive us graciously that we may offer the fruits of our lips. A "sacrifice of praise" today would include thanking Christ for his sacrifice on the cross and telling others about it. Acts of kindness and sharing are particularly pleasing to God, even when they go unnoticed by others.
In the past months, God has given our family a joy from him: the joy of the birth of our third Granddaughter, MaKenna Brook Herr, daughter of Anthony and Kelli Herr, born March 14th. Kelli was blessed to get a new opportunity for work, and we are blessed with the task of caring for MaKenna while Mom and Dad work. What a great experience to be able to see her every week for 2 days and to watch her grow and to experience her as she grows. It is a blessing to be involved in her care along with her parents and other family members, and to see all the changes happening to her day by day as she grows.
We miss our other 2 granddaughters, Aundrea, and Cassie and enjoy seeing them develop into beautiful young ladies through face time.
Let us pray: I just have to thank you God for all the experiences of sadness and joy, doubt and faith, and feeling of hurt and feeling the love of Jesus that He has sent our way. Thank you for being there through it all and thank you for reveling to me on this beautiful day that you are the truth and light and the one to lean on in our life's trials. Bless everyone as they go through what you have in store for them.
In His Name,
Amen
Melanie Herr
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